Thursday, September 6, 2012
SM Johnson ~Thursday Morning Coffee ~ Breathe
It is a really happy Thursday, because it's my weekend off.
Once in a while when I'm in an on-line writers forum, or a group, or on Facebook... somebody asks kind of randomly, "What's your favorite word?"
I used to have to stop and really think about it, because I love a lot of words, and I especially love the way words fit together to create a phrase that resonates with my heart or my intellect.
But I time or two ago, I did pick a favorite word: Breathe.
I realized that quite a few of my favorite songs are centered around the words breathe or breathing.
The first song I discovered by Lifehouse is about love (or obsession). I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing... Oh, yeah, it's also about breathing.
Another song that I think is phenomenal (and is about the all important function of breathing) is Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearnwy. Dude has an AMAZING voice. Gray's Anatomy fans might have heard this one, as I believe it was the title song for a season or two. Here's the video. It's the "official video" - so please bear with the annoying commercial at the beginning.
I'm always obsessing with the way my characters are breathing - whether it's Master Roman controlling the breathing of a submissive, or the vampire DeVante making a point to breathe "out loud," so to speak.
I have other favorite words, but this one has some significance this morning as I woke up this morning beyond 40 and unable to breathe.
Seriously? How can I smoke this much and cough this much and not be flirting with lung cancer and shortening my life, and fucking with my ability to breathe? It's absolutely ridiculous. I've been a smoker for a long, long time. I love it. I love the social part, I love how a break at work really feels like a break, I love the way you can use cigarettes to measure time - or to kill time when you're waiting. I like to smoke in transition - like in between doing the dishes and vacuuming the floor.
When I do quit, I suffer obsessive thinking about cigarettes, I get so cranky and bitchy that I'm hard to live with. And, of course, there's always the excuse that I gain weight... but guess what? I'm gaining weight anyway right now. Probably because I can't breathe well enough to exercise.
Good god, this breathing thing feels awfully important.
I've quit before - a few weeks here and there, and even, long ago, a stint of four years.
My brother, also a die-hard smoker, is doing great with nicotine patches and e-cigarettes.
Even my husband has used the e-cigarette to cut his smoking down from 2 packs a day to 1. Seems like everybody's making progress here but me.
I hate quitting.
But I like breathing.
So I got a couple of e-cigarettes for my birthday, and I guess I'm going to buy some patches today and see if I can't make some progress, too.
But don't hold your breath or anything.
Have a great weekend, darlings!